


so i stayed in the darkness with you

by BadWolf_TimeAndSpace



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Dealing with disability, F/F, past trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-07-10 03:47:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15941153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadWolf_TimeAndSpace/pseuds/BadWolf_TimeAndSpace
Summary: Alex thought she would never dance again, then Lena asks her for a dance at Kara's wedding.~





	so i stayed in the darkness with you

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know, guys. I didn't plan to write this. I wrote it last night when I couldn't sleep and felt depressed. So, I guess this is kind of an outlet for that...  
> I wasn't sure about posting it either, but now that it exists, I felt like I should.
> 
> This story ends on a positive note, but if you want to read something fluffy, you're probably at the wrong place here. 
> 
> (Song lyrics at the beginning and end in italics. It's 'Cosmic Love' by Florence and the Machine.)

_-_

 

 

 _The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out_  
_You left me in the dark_  
_No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight_  
_In the shadow of your heart_

 

 

~

 

 

She never imagined her little sister getting married before her.

Yet, here she is in Argo City at Kara's wedding. It's a Kryptonian ceremony, so it's different from an earth wedding, but there are vows of love and forever too. At least if Alex's Kryptonian isn't entirely wrong.

Kara met her now husband, Ray, during one of her visits to Argo City after her mother had left earth. As far as Alex can tell he is a good guy, he’s smart, matches Kara's optimistic nature and shares her sense of humor, although he is often quieter than her bubbly sister, especially amongst a group of people. Alex actually appreciates his calmness.

Only family and close friends have come all the way from earth to Argo City to attend the wedding ceremony.

Everybody has a smile on their face and watches the beautiful pair with rapt attention. There are happy tears in Eliza's eyes and in J'onn's as well, Alex notices amusedly.

But then her smile fades as the thought of how her mother and J'onn will probably never get to cry at her wedding invades her mind.

She hates herself for thinking about her misery on a day that should only be about her sister's happiness.

It's almost impossible to stop that train of thought though.

Because, yeah, she never imagined her little sister getting married before her.

It's not that she's not happy for Kara, she is, but somehow she can't shake the thought that this makes her even a bigger loser than she already is.

She manages to keep her self-pity at bay until after the reception dinner. 

Kara has wanted some earth traditions too, so after everybody has finished eating, Winn acts as DJ, puts on a cheesy love song and invites people to the dance floor. 

Ray looks a little bit awkward as he guides Kara over the dance floor through their first dance, but he only recently learned how to waltz, so Alex gives him kudos for that. 

There's human alcohol too, and Alex knows she shouldn't mix it with her medication, but gets a glass of scotch anyway.

Maybe it'll wash away the sting of pain at seeing almost everybody happily swaying on the dance floor while she has to stay back, sitting alone at the table.

It doesn't help though. On the contrary, the more inebriated she gets, the less she can hold back her self-deprecation.

Rubbing her left thigh to soothe her aching muscles, she wonders - not for the first time - how her life has gotten so out of hand.

 

What decision has caused her life to break from course so much that she hardly recognizes it anymore?

 

Maybe she should have never taken J'onn's offer to become the director of the DEO. She had thought it would get her more free time to start a family of her own, but it turned out it was an even more stressful and time consuming job than being an agent, especially with the political nightmare that came along with Supergirl's Russian based double ganger and the rapidly growing anti-alien movement.

After the first year as director, things thankfully slowed down, and Alex actually had some free time. Instead of trying to adopt a child as a single woman, Alex decided to date first. She hadn't given up on finding love back then, the possibility of finding a partner she could have a family with not out of reach as it is now.

After some dates and a rather short-lived relationship with a reporter (it would have never worked out, she was too nosy and Alex was the director of a secret government agency after all), she met Natalie and for the first time after Maggie she felt like she could have found the one.

They were together for almost two years when Alex brought up the topic of adoption. Natalie had told her earlier in their relationship that she wanted kids. What Alex didn't expect though was Natalie telling her that she didn't want to adopt, she wanted to be pregnant and had thought about IVF. Alex was okay with that too, she was even willing to wait for Natalie to complete her residency in thoracic surgery before trying to get pregnant.

So they waited for another year. 

Alex had already bought a ring, planning to propose before they started the whole IVF process.

 

Then it happened.

It was going to be a routine mission, a joint venture with the military, Lucy Lane coordinating everything. A prisoner transfer from a military base to the DEO. The prisoner supposedly had viable information about a massive alien attack. 

Their convoys met halfway, out in some mountain area. Everything happened so fast then, that Alex - even though she later has read all the reports of the destruction more often than she can count – still doesn't really know what exactly happened.

Apparently there was an attack from an alien terrorist group with advanced weaponry. In the end they were obliterated, all soldiers and agents dead. Alex would have been too, if Lucy hadn't shielded her somehow with her body.

There wasn't much left of her friend afterwards, Alex's lower left leg was gone too.

All she remembers from after the attack is how she was lying there in the debris of their convoy, parts of a human body on top of her, a streak of red and blue tearing through the dust and then everything faded to black.

Later when she woke up in the hospital, weeks after the incident, they told her, they had to remove her ruptured spleen and part of her left lung too.

They told her she almost hadn't made it a couple of times. During the hard and painful months of recovery that came afterwards, she sometimes wished she hadn't.

But then Lucy would have given her life for nothing, and if anything Alex was a fighter.

So she made it through.

Kara and their friends have helped as good as they could. Lena even provided her with a custom-build, highly advanced prosthetic leg. 

It wasn't enough to make her feel normal again, she would probably never feel whole again.

She had to resign as director. Her disability and low physical strength didn't allow her to go out into the field anymore if the presence of a higher ranking officer was needed. Some days even stairs were enough to exhaust her and leave her out of breath.

After six months she returned to the DEO to work in the lab, mostly doing research, sometimes helping in the med bay.

 

Now, almost a year after the incident, she has only just started to feel more like herself again - her new self that is, a crippled version, someone who had to take six different kinds of medication to get them through the day. 

Adoption, raising a kid on her own, is out of the question now. She can hardly take care of herself, let alone a child.

Finding a partner seems to be off the table too. Alex hasn’t quite managed to hope for someone who could love her mangled self - body and soul.

Natalie left her during the first months of her recovery when she was all angry and frustrated and self-destructive. Alex doesn't blame her for leaving, she knows she drove her away.

There hasn't been anybody since.

Well, if she’s honest with herself, there has been someone. Though she only allows herself to muse about the what-ifs when she lies awake at night, unable to sleep.

She has felt some kind of connection to Lena who seems to have made it her personal mission to build Alex the best prosthetic leg ever. They have spend a lot of time together during the last months, and Alex found herself more and more entranced with the youngest Luthor.

How could she not? Lena is kind and genius-levels of smart and breathtakingly beautiful.

Furthermore Lena never coddled her like most of her friends and especially Kara (Alex thinks her sister is overcompensating because she - in Alex’s opinion unnecessarily - feels guilty for not being there during the attack.). No, Lena treats Alex almost the same as before, like a functional human being, not like an invalid, and Alex highly appreciates it.

But Lena has been in an on again/off again kind of relationship with James over the last five years, and Alex doesn't even know if they are together at the moment or not.

Hell, she doesn't even know if Lena is into women.

She chuckles mirthlessly at the thought. Falling for her straight best friend would be exactly the thing that she needed to complete the disaster that is her life.

 

While she sits there deep in thoughts, nursing her scotch, the music has changed from slow to fast and upbeat and then to slow again. People are dancing and laughing and talking and everybody seems to have a good time.

Alex feels left out, but by now she's used to the feeling.

She wears a suit, because it’s easier to hide the prosthetic leg with trousers than a dress, but also because she prefers it. Somehow she still feels like even the Kryptonian wedding guests, who don’t know her all that well, can tell that something is different about her.

She's ready to call it a night and leave the party to get drunk some more and pass out in Alura's guest bedroom, when suddenly Lena stands in front of her.

As always Lena looks stunning, but tonight she looks especially beautiful in her dark blue dress, her hair falling loose over her bare shoulders.

Her green eyes seem to sparkle and there's an unusual shy smile on her lips.

"Dance with me, Alex." Lena says softly and stretches her hand out expectantly.

"Lena, I don't know if..." _if that's a good idea, I don't know if I can._

"No excuses, I made you the best prosthetic leg in the world, you should be able to dance with it. Come on, let's try it at least." Lena requests more resolutely now.

The butterflies that have taken flight in Alex's stomach come crashing down again. Of course Lena just wants to test the prosthetic leg and not actually dance with her.

She takes Lena's hand anyway, and lets the other woman help her to get on her feet - well one foot and one artificial substitute for a foot.

She barely suppresses a groan at the pain that shoots through the remnants of her left leg after sitting for so long. 

Her first steps are tentative, but Lena guides her firmly to the dance floor.

Just as Lena puts her hands around Alex's neck, and Alex lays hers on Lena's hips, barely touching her, 'Cosmic Love' by Florence and the Machine starts to play.

"Ready?" Lena asks softly, giving Alex a reassuring smile.

Alex just nods, unable to form words, as their eyes lock and it seems like Lena looks right into her soul. 

Following Lena's movements, Alex sways to the music. It's surprisingly easy to find a rhythm with Lena.

For the first time tonight Alex isn’t self-conscious, doesn’t feel like all eyes are on her when she moves.  She has only eyes for the gorgeous woman in her arms.

Her breath hitches when she feels Lena's fingers starting to play with the short hair at the back of her neck. As if on autopilot she pulls their bodies closer together, and oh, Lena's body that is only covered with a thin layer of a soft fabric molds perfectly against her own.

She doesn't know if Lena's pupils are only that wide because of the dim light or because she is as aroused as Alex, but then she notices Lena's gaze flicker down to her lips, and the implication makes her light-headed.

Before she can really process what’s happening, Lena leans forward slowly. Alex feels Lena’s warm puffs of breath against her lips, and then a ghost of a touch, the brunette’s lips soft and inviting, on her own.

 

A screeching sound makes them jerk apart. The music has stopped and someone has grabbed the microphone, presumably to hold a speech.

When she looks back at Lena, the brunette gives her a gentle smile before taking her hand and holding it tight.

Heart still beating fast, cheeks flushed, Alex diverts her attention back to the stage where Alura is talking.

Lena’s unwavering presence at her side, their fingers intertwined, Alex feels herself smiling genuinely for the first time in what feels like ages.

She doesn’t know what it all means and what will happen, but a spark of hope has settled in her chest and she dares to think that maybe her life will not be as dark and lonely as she thought it would be.

 

 

~

 

 

 _I took the stars from our eyes, and then I made a map_  
_And knew that somehow I could find my way back_  
_Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too_  
_So I stayed in the darkness with you_

 

 

_-_

 


End file.
